Every moment in my room felt gloomy, like it was about to be colonized by some entity that wouldn’t let me step beyond the doorway. Confined in the darkness, I lay on my bed, staring at the wall, overwhelmed by thoughts, knowing there was no escape. Finding freedom from my own mind had always been a struggle. But it was the trick of my own mind, after all. An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. How badly I wanted the white noise to drown out my thoughts, just to stop thinking. As I rested my eyes, I heard a knock on the window. Slowly, I walked over and rolled up the blinds. All I saw was the face of everything that had haunted my thoughts. A tall, white entity with a grey face with no features. It had no eyes, yet it was looking right at me through the window. Its face stamped itself into every blood cell of my body. It didn’t move, but it stared right at me, still and unwavering. I stared back as my nervous system began to shut down, shivers down my spine, heavy anxiety trapped in my stomach. I knew this was the devil that emerged from the fear within. The devil I needed to fight. But it followed me into my unconsciousness. It ruled my dreams. I tried to distract myself with all that went right in my life, but I could feel it melting into my soul, spitting the fire and scarring me with fear. It wanted me to hurt myself. It wanted to see blood. It wanted me to surrender to it. To adore the fear. And even today, it still wants to hurt me. With every shaky breath I take… it feeds the fear. The fear of nothing. The fear of the void. The fear of loneliness. The fear of living. It confined my hands, blindfolded me, and dragged me to the edge of the cliff, while I was on my knees, begging for my life. At that very moment, I contemplated the choice between life and death. I wanted to end it all… once and for all. And I did it. Yes, I did. Moments later, I found myself staring at my own corpse lying on the bed. I thought I had ended my earthly pain. But that was when I realized… It had only just begun.
